Spontaneous lachrymation
Don't know why
lately, I have had recurrent episodes of spontaneous and involuntary lachrymation.
# I have voluntarily not been in a relationship for a year.
# My financial status is stable and secured from the inflation and globalized economic depression.
# My work is pretty boring but there's no conflicts nor any pressures from work, my work is easy.
# My mom and dad are doing just fine.
# No family/social conflicts.
Is it loneliness?
Or is it involuntary celibacy?
Yesterday, while I was watching "The sum of us" the part when "Dad" had a sudden hemiplegic, motor aphasia stroke, I just burst out crying into a fresh flood of tears for almost half an hour without any obvious certain emotional or physical stimuli.
No certain situations nor any physical/emotional stress at all.
Well it might be one of my subconscious conflicts or stress I didn't recognize that gave me this "emotional tears".
I don't try to find the medical or scientific explanation for this.
I don't use Freudian psychoanalysis to find this underlying conflicts or their resolutions.
But I just happened to know it.
Tears have been categorized into 3 groups
1. Basal tears
2. Reflex tears
3. Emotional tears
1. Basal tears for lubricating the cornea and keep it clear of dust
2. Reflex tears are secondary to an irritation from the foreign body or chemical, e.g., onion, dust, eyelashes, mascara etc.
3. Emotional tears or crying are a result of emotional stress or physical pain, are a complex process of frontal/temporal cerebral cortex and a limbic brain and contain many hormones, e.g., ACTH, prolactin, enkephalin.
Us humans seem to be the only mammal that are capable of crying. I do believe that crying plays a major role in the subtle physiologic/neurobiologic and psychologic processes of compromising and optimizing the emotional/psychological conflicts and pain so that we can live in this so-called "complex evolutionary primate social system".
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The last time I had an emotional cry was back in the October2007 when I broke up with "B".
It's been 12 months
This must be a serious sign of emotional/mood disturbance.
[Id]
[Ego]
[Superego]
Id = childish/basic instincts/ur needs
Ego = you try to optimize them[id&superego]
Superego = ur moral/ethics/ur values
Id = child
Ego = teenage
Superego = grownup
Id = amygdala/limbic primitive brain
Ego = mix of id&superego conflicts
Superego = frontal cortex of cerebrum
Id = I "want"
Ego = Well "Let's see what I can do"
Superego = I "need"
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This might be the cross road that you have to choose which way to go.
[A single = Loneliness]
or
[A couple = Heartache]
No way we can deny both of these.
Only one of these two ways
[A] Single : loneliness
focus to the work
residency training means "NO LOVE"
neurosurgery training is possible
be able to work on a research "acute nervous tissue injury"
"deep brain stimulation"
"neurobiology"
"nervous tissue"
"brain tumor"
no love, no relationship
dried up
[B] Couple : heartache
relationship ends with either leaving or dying
being in a relationship is tiring
less than 7% of the relationship lasts more than 7 years
more than 90% of avians(birds) are monogamous
less than 7% of mammals are monogamous
less than 1% of male animals are monogamous
love and life is totally an investment
being "in love" is like an investment in
a stock/futures markets : high risk/high payoff
being single is like an investment in the government bonds
low risk/low payoff
simply love equates sex, intimacy and neurotransmissions
[oxytocin/dopamine/vasopressin]
I still cannot buy an insurance for love accident
in the year 2008
---------------------------------------------------
I am too lonely, distorted and scared to let myself falling in love.
It's like I had a motorcycle accident and it makes me too scared to drive a motorcycle again.
It's also as horrible as a "PTSD" (Post-traumatic stress disorder) that every veteran has to face.
I have an insight.
I need help.
Containment of conflicts between "id" and "superego"
I need to use only good defense mechanisms
[suppression]
[altruism]
[sublimation]
[humor]
[realistic plan for future discomfort]
or
Simply I just need to get laid. That's all.
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