Spontaneous lachrymation

Don't know why

lately, I have had recurrent episodes of spontaneous and involuntary lachrymation.

# I have voluntarily not been in a relationship for a year.

# My financial status is stable and secured from the inflation and globalized economic depression.

# My work is pretty boring but there's no conflicts nor any pressures from work, my work is easy.

# My mom and dad are doing just fine.

# No family/social conflicts.

Is it loneliness?

Or is it involuntary celibacy?

Yesterday, while I was watching "The sum of us" the part when "Dad" had a sudden hemiplegic, motor aphasia stroke, I just burst out crying into a fresh flood of tears for almost half an hour without any obvious certain emotional or physical stimuli.

No certain situations nor any physical/emotional stress at all.

Well it might be one of my subconscious conflicts or stress I didn't recognize that gave me this "emotional tears".

I don't try to find the medical or scientific explanation for this.

I don't use Freudian psychoanalysis to find this underlying conflicts or their resolutions. 

But I just happened to know it.

Tears have been categorized into 3 groups

1. Basal tears

2. Reflex tears

3. Emotional tears

1. Basal tears for lubricating the cornea and keep it clear of dust

2. Reflex tears are secondary to an irritation from the foreign body or chemical, e.g., onion, dust, eyelashes, mascara etc.

3. Emotional tears or crying are a result of emotional stress or physical pain, are a complex process of frontal/temporal cerebral cortex and a limbic brain and contain many hormones, e.g., ACTH, prolactin, enkephalin. 

Us humans seem to be the only mammal that are capable of crying. I do believe that crying plays a major role in the subtle physiologic/neurobiologic and psychologic processes of compromising and optimizing the emotional/psychological conflicts and pain so that we can live in this so-called "complex evolutionary primate social system".

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The last time I had an emotional cry was back in the October2007 when I broke up with "B".

It's been 12 months

This must be a serious sign of emotional/mood disturbance.

     

     [Id]

     [Ego]

     [Superego]

Id  = childish/basic instincts/ur needs

Ego = you try to optimize them[id&superego]

Superego = ur moral/ethics/ur values

Id  = child

Ego = teenage

Superego = grownup

Id  = amygdala/limbic primitive brain

Ego = mix of id&superego conflicts

Superego = frontal cortex of cerebrum

Id  = I "want"

Ego = Well "Let's see what I can do"

Superego = I "need"

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This might be the cross road that you have to choose which way to go.

[A single = Loneliness] 

or

[A couple = Heartache]

No way we can deny both of these.

Only one of these two ways

[A] Single : loneliness

    focus to the work

    residency training means "NO LOVE"

    neurosurgery training is possible

    be able to work on a research "acute nervous tissue injury"

    "deep brain stimulation"

    "neurobiology"

    "nervous tissue"

    "brain tumor"

    no love, no relationship

    dried up

    

    

[B] Couple : heartache

    relationship ends with either leaving or dying

    being in a relationship is tiring

    less than 7% of the relationship lasts more than 7 years

    more than 90% of avians(birds) are monogamous

    less than 7% of mammals are monogamous

    less than 1% of male animals are monogamous

    love and life is totally an investment

    being "in love" is like an investment in 

        a stock/futures markets : high risk/high payoff

    being single is like an investment in the government bonds

        low risk/low payoff

    simply love equates sex, intimacy and neurotransmissions

        [oxytocin/dopamine/vasopressin]

    I still cannot buy an insurance for love accident 

        in the year 2008

    

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I am too lonely, distorted and scared to let myself falling in love.

It's like I had a motorcycle accident and it makes me too scared to drive a motorcycle again.

It's also as horrible as a "PTSD" (Post-traumatic stress disorder) that every veteran has to face.

I have an insight.

I need help.

Containment of conflicts between "id" and "superego"

I need to use only good defense mechanisms

[suppression]

[altruism]

[sublimation]

[humor]

[realistic plan for future discomfort]

or

Simply I just need to get laid. That's all.

The Dark side of me

The fact is that we cannot see 

the other side of the moon with our naked eyes and a telescope.

A "Man" is like the moon, you'll only see his bright side 

and never see the dark side of him.

The moon becomes so bright and amazingly beautiful only when it's the darkest night.

So "love from me" is like the moonlight in the cold and darkest night, 

it is so beautiful that you cannot resist.

I will come and go once in a while.

You will only get "love from me" only if u're not scared of the darkness and 

not too weary to be in the cold night.

You might get tumbled, 

you might get lonely, 

you might get hurt, 

you might cry or 

you might even lose all your faith in love.

But the truth is

You are like a moth to a flame.

Only you are to blame.

You go straight to me.

To have and not to hold

To love but not to keep

To look but not to see

To kiss but never be

To be with me

Introverted me

As the matter of fact, I am ""look for the good in everything and u'll find it"" kinda person,

despite realizing the fact of corrupted capitalism AND how cruel life could be.... stock market & monetary market are so hard on every investor and american way certainly could be the key to the Maslow hierarchy for certain people who are flexible, democratic, open-minded and optimistic.

As a member of a socialist world, even though, I do not agree with the American way or all the "American dreams", but I certainly find it useful for the shortcut to optimizing my own basic-needs and social-liabilities.


Certainly, I'd go with the flow, I greed for money and I am a hard investor.... I wear Prada in the Financial/Stock market...but I will,of course , help out the patients n people who are in need as much as I can.


From my meandering experiences, even having a parline-delight-baskin-robins while watching my favorite movie with my dog is like achieving THE self-actualization on the top of Maslow hierarchy.

Life is simple...what's simple is true...
Cognitive needs are not necessarily depends on our chronological-age or political-devotions
but quite simple & unique to each person. 

Our perspectives on life considerably and significantly depend on our own perceptions and pain threshold to certain situations or circumstances.

So according to the inverted point of view, we can have the world in the way we want it to be by selective preceptions and a bunch of defense mechanisms as a tool.

I consider my self-esteem to be kinda not quite high... but rather average or low-to-moderate.
Unsurprisingly, I usually pick up lots of defense mechanisms to cope with situations... because I am introverted and shits always come down on me...


Am I rambling?  anyway I consider myself as open-minded, optimistic and up for EVERYthing and every shits in life.
Being melancholic is not necessarily being pessimistic.

Penelopy love

I do not agree with the movie,

but I like it, I love Christina Ricci... 

and the delightful British accent Of McAvoy.

Shouldn’t the English-born Penelope and her mother have British accents,

not American accents?

Well, that's not the point I'm blogging today anyway

"Penelope" promotes our unrealistic and super-extra-high expectations of

finding true love and holding on to a strong LTR which 

rarely happens nowadays in most of the cities of the world.

Will Fionna and Penelope ever... I mean "EVER", in the year 2008,

find true love and love that lasts forever in the chaotic Bangkok or NYC ?

Pls, my guests, write down what u think about this "Penelopy love"

Penelopy love in my dictionary : Love and accept yourself for who you are,

no matter what you look like because looks aren't all that matters. 

^^

^^

CRAP

"you know you inspired me, doing what you did,

going off on your own like that.", Max said

Does this kinda guy, the guy that overlooks the physical flaws

or the outside and does love you for who

you really are inside, really exists?

In my neuroanatomy terms, the subcortical love is basically driven by physical attractions and instincts.

While the cortical love is somewhat more penelopy and beautiful.

Have I lost all my faith in love?

Tiramisu

ที่จริงแล้วตามdict ของผมและแฟนเก่า

etymology ของ "tiramisu"

มีที่มาจาก ภาษาไทย + ภาษาอังกฤษ

นึกถึงวันเก่าๆก็เศร้า เมื่อก่อนเวลาที่จะขอโทษแฟนผมจะซื้อcake tiramisuให้

(ส่วนใหญ่ซื้อที่ coffee world อร่อยใช้ได้) 

เวลาทะเลาะกัน ไม่พูดคำว่าขอโทษ แต่ให้cakeแทน

จริงๆแล้ว tiramisu มาจากคำว่า  "ที่รัก miss you"

เออที่จิงแล้วมันก็แค่ความหมายของคนสองคนที่รู้กันแค่อยากจะเล่าให้ฟัง 

ตอนนี้ไม่ได้ซื้อtiramisuให้ใครมานานแล้ว ไม่ใช่ไม่ได้ทะเลาะกับแฟน

แต่ไม่มีแแฟน  : (

Love insurance

“What would you do?” you asked me while

I was looking at the photos of you on my desktop wallpaper.

I have no idea.

I’d give up on you?

Am I a good candidate for amygdalectomy?

I’ve always come up with lots of academic/family/financial/investment plans.

But when it comes to love.

There seems to be no plans at all. Totally unpredictable and unreliable.

Heartbreaking could be either gradual or abrupt in onset.

Is there an insurance company that provides insurance for love accidents

or even just a crush?

Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think?

I have myself insured against MVA.

I’ve always had backup plans for financial / investment / inflation problems.

Yearly check up for my parents to prevent diseases and promote their health.

Regular exercise and healthy diet to keep myself fit.

I am a clever investor.

I am totally monogamous.

I have a promising career with monthly 6-figured income(in baht).

I am good-looking? and tender... compassionate and sympathetic.

Still

Heartbroken for 3 times officially.

I had a crush on Oui without love insurance.

Falling in love with you has the highest risk and would even cost me all my heart.

You seem to be newbie in the field.

You don’t seem to know your own heart. 

I could buy a malpractice insurance once I become a board-certified neurosurgeon.

I have a medical insurance for myself and my parents.

I have a car insurance.

I could buy an insurance for every risk in life.

but

what about love accidents.

why isn’t there any insurance company that provides an insurance for LA(love accidents)?

My thoughts seem to become more and more tangential.

Alright

Love has its limit.

Love is beautiful.

Love is unpredictable.

The only way to insure myself against Love Accidents would be 

cardiectomy or anesthetizing my heart so that I will never have a heartache again.

I wish I had congenital acardia.

Surviving in surgery

Deny, deny, deny : Grey's anatomy 2/4

The key to surviving a surgical internship is denial.

We deny that we're tired,

we deny that we're scared,

we deny how badly we want to succeed,

and most importantly, we deny that we're in denial.

We only see what we want to see

and believe what we want to believe.

It works.

We lie to ourselves so much that, after a while,

the lies start to seem like the truth.

We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth, right in front of our faces."

Raindrops keep falling on my head : Grey's anatomy 2/1

To be a good surgeon, you have to think like a surgeon.

Emotions are messy.

Tuck them neatly away and step into a clean, sterile room where the procedure is simple.

Cut, suture and close.

But somtimes, you're faced with a cut that won't heal.

A cut that rips its stitches wide open.

I won't forget the cut on the night of the 28th of Feb 2007.

Testos monogamy 2

The following advices are medically unethical and unprofessional...

Anti-androgens : such as Propecia(Finasteride) or Cyproterone(one of the hormonal components in some of the oral contraceptives, such as Diane35)

If your guy has an affair with a girl 

>>> punish him with Anti-androgen 1 tab once daily x 30 days, so that he might actually know how and what you(a girl) think and most of his sex drive and libido will turn into a power of true love for you.

BUT

If your guy has an affair with a guy 

>>> definitely break up with him.

male +++ female  =   high testos +++ low testos

male +++ male    =   high testos +++ high testos >>> vicious cycle, never stops

breaking up and venereal disease infection rate are very high in homosexual male

^^

^^

^^

the major contributions are as the following

1. Both homosexual and heterosexual males have a high level of testos.

2. male-male relationship

    gay men  +  gay men  G + G

   gay men  +  bisexual    G + B

   bisexual   +  bisexual   B + B

    male homosexual relationship is greatly based on sex and they can get to know each other very easily via MSN / Dating web / Hi5 / Gay bar / group of gay friends

3. male homosexual relationship is mostly shallow and sexbiotic... not symbiotic

So mostly, men are just androgenic animals...

Mind of men is basically driven by instinct and porn...

How to make a heterosexual relationship / male homosexual relationship works

1. Str8 men / gay men / bisexual men should realize that they have a high serum level of testos which plays a major role in sex drive and libido.

2. After realization of the fact above, all men should know how to control their sex drive and libido appropriately because we are human beings..... not just male animals.

3. Superego is crucial to make a relationship works

self-control

self-consciousness

faithfulness

 moral

 ethics

etc......

4. Stop for 5 minutes be4 having an affair >>> think of all the consequences and all the vicious cycles that will follow.

5. Monogamous relationship rarely exists in a big city, so avoid big cities, e.g., NYC, Tokyo, Bangkok, Hong Kong, LA, San Francisco, London etc

6. If you have a male-pattern baldness, then try anti-androgen esp. Propecia >>> you will understand how your girl thinks and loves you which is not exactly, however, in the same way you do.

7. Lust or Love ... it’s up to you